dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
