is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
