my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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