Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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