Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
