Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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