apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
