Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
