I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
