My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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