now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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