I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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