oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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