So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
