youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize