3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
