remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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