We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
