I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
