He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
