The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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