Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
