I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm having to shit out rocks
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