a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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