All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can I color on your dick again?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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