he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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