What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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