I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
