apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
