none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
