So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
