There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
