sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
