were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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