she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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