she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
