I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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