Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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