And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just google imaged poop.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
