If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
