It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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