I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
