just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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