You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
