Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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