Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
