It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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