his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
