Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
