I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
