Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
