Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
