4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
