Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize