theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize