I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
