Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
