So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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