Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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