i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
