You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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