I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
