honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
